What is this page about ?

In this page i will describe my experience with different psychodelic substances and describe what I learned from each of the trips. I know its not very fun to hear the drug experiences of other people, so if this is not for you, you have been warned and you can enjoy other parts of my website. Some of the trips seriously tested my beliefs about the inner workings of the universe, which is what has motivated me to share them with whoever will read them.

LSD

I have had two separate experiences with LSD. The first time I took LSD was at a party. It was not a big dose and, to be honest, I didn't feel much during the party. It wasn't until I was going back home that I started feeling the effects. On the way home, I started to see distortions in the faces of the people around me. And when I got home and went to bed, I felt like I was a city. This city was under constant construction. Sometimes old buildings got demolished, sometimes new ones would appear. The city also had hidden streets and alleys that I didn't know about and could go explore. No matter what happened, the city was always me. I felt like my identity was solid and grounded, that it could withstand the weather, hurricanes, and earthquakes. It felt like the city was huge and had many different neighborhoods, each existing alongside the others. Each neighborhood seemed like a part of my identity. I could see the cranes on the skyline.



This experience made me realize that my identity is solid, and that there would always be aspects of myself that I had not yet discovered. There will always be things that get removed or added, but I will still be me. It made me feel comfortable in my own skin.

The second experience I had with LSD, was in my room by myself. This experience was very intense and lasted for at least 6 hours. For this reason, I have divide the themes of that trip into subsections.

I. Anxiety

One thing that I feared throught my LSD trip was peeing myself. This fear comes from my childhood experiences. I would pee my bed as a child and so I kept worrying that I would pee myself during the trip. This fear, meant that I went to the bathroom over and over again in a very repetitive pattern. I was also worried about jumping out of the window and making a scene while under the influence of LSD. I was scared the police would come and take me to prison. Or that I didn’t know where I was anymore. Reality seemed to dissolve during the beginning of the trip. These feeling calmed down as the trip progressed, until eventually they were gone and I was able to enjoy it.

II. The council

While doing LSD i had this sensation that i had a council inside my head. It was composed of several entities or voices. I call this voices inside my head: "the council".The council didn't particularly feel wiser than me; maybe they knew what was up with reality, they were looking at it from a different side, but they seemed neutral. They felt more like observers or spectators commenting on what I was doing and my experiences. They seemed to be looking at my life unfolding for entertainment. The comite inside my head kept asking me if we were still playing at remembering that we foget that we remember that we forget that we know that we don’t know that we are god and have always been god, and so on. It was very recursive. They seemed to find this funny and during this part of the trip, there was a bit of recusion where I kept repeating the same thought pattern of forgetting and remembering and knowing and not knowing. I would start thinking a though get halfway through it, realize i had already thought it and then forget and start over. Similarly, it felt like I was in a temporal loop like going up in an infinite staircase, going up one floor to just be back in the floor you started in. The council at some point told me I was the most lucky person alive, I was god after all. I had won the lottery. They all started congratulating me and clapping on my realization that I had 'conciousness' and was 'aware'. They also asked me what i wanted more off in reality and I told them that I wanted more colors. At which point everything became saturated with color.
Since i was afraid of peeing myself, i kept going back to the bathroom over and over again. I remember there was something funny about the council looking at me pee. Like they are here spectating my life to escape boredom and here I was peeing in front of them for their enterteinment.

III. God

I had the feeling that we are all god. God divided himself in order to experience reality, but more than that, god is also reality itself, all the things inside the world are god. God is the source. Before god there was nothing and so he used himself to create a stage and the players that would inhabit the stage. Why did he create reality ? My answer: He was bored and lonely. So he takes turns playing everyone of us, he has infinite time after all and he wants to experience the different points of view of each of us. He had to divide himself to experience the universe he created. It felt like we were all on a line and this line kept moving and we all kept switching places, kinda like a game of chairs or like when you pass a ball around and sometimes you get to have the ball (conciousness) and so you kept waiting for your turn. Whenever we reincarnate, we get to experience another role, you come back as something else, sometimes a rock, sometimes space, sometimes a god, sometimes a human, sometimes an ant.



The idea that we are all god made me realize that it made no sense to have a god who creates reality without also having people to inhabit that reality, so it seemed that both were necessary. It didnt feel like being a god was better than being an inhabitant of reality. You can program a game but with no players, theres no point in creating it. And after all, each entity eventually got their turn at playing the creator. I also had the intense feeling that we all agreed to be here, that we had all chosen to reincarnate in this plane and agreed to come here to experience it together. I had a vision of a friend who told me that we had all agreed to forget and come here to play our 'roles'. He asked me to remember how we all agreed to our fake identities and jobs just to keep the game going. Being a god, eventually also becomes boring, so whoever is god would want to play a human eventually. At the same time I realized that we were also here to learn from our experiences. I started seeing everything in the universe started to as waves, or vibrations, and we were all composed of different vibrations and frequencies. I also felt that the universe and the entities inside it were all evolving by trying to increase their frequency, with the objective being to have the highest frequency possible, which was love. I saw 'God' inside a room when he created everything, it reminded me of the rooms that you would see in mental assylums, completely empty, plain and white. So god started vibrating back and forth, creating standing waves that would be stable inside the room and all the different harmonics and vibration became different things.

IV. The source of evil

There was also the feeling that the people that are similar to me or come from my own country, are "my people". I saw my friends flashing in my eyes and started wondering why we couldn't take control of this reality and make it what we wanted. Instead it seemed like all these different groups where trying to fight for control of reality. Why couldnt we just take control over it and stear it towards what we wanted ?. So, I asked the council why there needed to be evil people on the universe. They told me that if only people that i liked were allowed in, then eventually it would all collapse into being alone again. That for the sake of novelty we had to have people that we didnt like. This compromise is what made us we all agree to be together here.

"if we start restricting the people inside, eventually we will be alone and we don't want to be alone"

- Me to my cat as i was tripping balls on LSD.

When i had this thought I was with my cat and sometimes he would come and cuddle with me, sometimes he would bite me, this made me see that sometimes life cuddles you and sometimes it bites you. And the council told me it was the same for reincarnations, sometimes you get a life where the cat cuddles you, sometimes he will bite you. And so i saw the line of people with a ball being pass to each of them, some of them would catch the ball while some of them would get hit by it.
Why ? If the universe was endless pleasure or pain, then the novelty would wear off pretty quickly, and this is why the universe contains a mix of both. And individual existences have different ratios of both, since a perfect mix also becomes predictable . The universe has to keep the potential for both for novelty. Having both also helps us learn from our experiences and grow, it helps us slowly be able to improve and increase our frequency.

V. The cosmic joke

One of the thing that the council inside my head kept telling me was that there was a joke to reality, it was a big joke or a hidden objective, where they were trying to make the "most" beautiful or interesting or surprising moment, the best new joke. It was like a weird punchline or a secret, that sometimes you would get. It is very hard to describe what they meant. It was all of these things together. The bottom line is that the council was looking for endless novelty. To see new things and experience new stuff. At this point, I kept trying to impress the council in my head by making the most original or novel moments. At one point I even was playing with the "screen" through which I experience reality to make a new more interesting joke. This part then became like a cat trying to catch a laser pointer, i kept trying to catch the point of my awarness. But of course, it always slipped away. This point of awarness seemed to be the most recent or interesting one, since it was the newest point in creation. Going from stuff that has been to stuff that hasnt been. Turning possibility into reality.
I saw the eye, the eye of creation, the eye we all have in the middle of our foreheads, the "mind's eye" which we use to experience reality. We create reality at every moment through it. Different images of this eye started flashing in front of me. With different colors or art styles. This eye seemed to be god. The source of conciousness. And this moment I realized that the cosmic joke was that i was God and i kept forgetting it. I had tear in my eyes at this moment from realizing what i kept forgetting.

VI. Interepretaion

I think of course me interpreting god as creating everything out of loneliness probably stems from the fact that i personally have felt lonely during my life and so I might have projected those aspects of my psyche into the trip. But most of the things that were presented to me in my trip have been reported by many individuals using psychodelic substances. Many people account for the people of wholeness and union with the universe and the cosmic joke is also a common occurence.

Magic Mushrooms

I have experienced magic mushrooms on several occassions. The trips have been very varied and depended on the particular variety of mushroom, on my own psysche at the moment of taking them and the environment of the trip. The most common effects that I have experienced is a change in the way my perception works. The sensitivy of my senses is increased. For example, the fur of my cat feels extremely soft and im able to feel its softness just by hovering my hand over him (This has gained him the nickname 'the softness universe'). Textures, colors, sounds all become more vivid and intense. As if the filter that numbs down every sensation is turnned off. I really recommend having interesting textures around to play with. Other ways perceptions change involve a change in the apparent size and proportions of objects around the world. In the most extreme case, while I was walking outside my neighborhood, I experienced the feeling that it was a movie set or a playground, the cars felt like toys cars and I felt like I could grab a car and hold it in my hands. On other ocassions, every small wrinkle in my the blanket on my table seemed like a huge mountain. In another occassion, while taking the subway, it felt like the train was squished from the top.

Mushrooms can also give you introspective thoughts, those thoughts can be a bit rough if you are not in a good state of mind. At least two times, I have had thoughts reminding me of the responsabilities that i had been ignoring and escape. I had this feeling that I had to put more effort and call my mother every once in a while. However, if youre in the proper mindset, you will feel relaxed and carefree and this feeling can last to the weeks that follow.

You can also have extremely philosophical and political thoughts. In one instance, I spent a large part of my trip feeling that It was my birthright to live in this planet and that I shouldnt feel like I have to ask for permission to exist and to enjoy reality. It was very empowering. It made me question authority.

It is also possible to get visuals with mushrooms. In my experience it was easier to get visuals when I was alone and in a calm setting. Almost as if my mind was filling up the lack of stimulus by creating images. The visuals can be geometrical colorful patterns.